So, it's coming up to my littlest's 2nd birthday! The totally crazy little mini beast is going to be TWO whole years old on Tuesday...WOWZERS!
And it's got my thinking about loads of stuff...and no-as much as I ADORE being pregnant, and would LOVE to give birth again, I'm DEFO not having another one!
As I've been sorting my Mellow Mumma hypnobirthing workshops I've been thinking about how I actually felt about the prospect of growing a real little person inside me, and what my thoughts were about how it would actually be getting out of me after 9 months-(ish). I've been pondering on how I felt before I booked onto my Hypnobirthing course in Brighton in 2012, and what lead me to it...
I've spoken about this with my mum, and my husband and I just can't remember the emotions... the fears... the concerns that I surely MUST have had?
It's a weird feeling; why the hell can't I remember how I felt about birth before I did Hypnobirthing? Is it because I have made such MASSIVE changes? Hmmm... I think it may be, you just don't realise until it happens to you just how powerful this hypno-shizzle is.
But was I terrified? Was I nervous? Did I trust my body? Was I worried about the PAIN? Surely I must have had the dread of all the "excruciating agony" consuming my very soul?
I wonder how much I even knew about labour and birth... not much I don't think...I was pretty naive to it all, too busy partying, travelling, festivaling and loving life to think about the prospect of growing up and growing an actual live mini human, let alone becoming a real life MOTHER...Shiiiiiit!
Thankfully I wasn't filled with horror stories from friends or family. Mine and my sister's births were pretty straight forward, and I took comfort in that; knowing that my own darling Mumma is not exactly the calmest of beings- and I guess I thought if she got through it, I could!
And leading on from that, I suspect that's what I was worried about; WORRY & ANXIETY. Bastard anxiety.
I used to be a right worrier, I loved a bit (lot) of catastrophising...that was my thing…anxiety...I was almost known for it. I used to often flip out, get crazy upset, never think I was good enough, worthy enough, or strong enough. I was- and probably still am- a total perfectionist. Even though I was loved, supported, and damn good at my job.
And this was all massively heightened with a hangover...BIG time... but that's a different story entirely!
So even though I travelled to the other side of the world on my own, did all these amazing things, I was super confident (outwardly), I was really spontaneous, a bit (MASSIVE AMOUNT) of a hedonist- I always had this underlying anxiety, and self doubt that would follow me around like a dark cloud…I don’t even know now, how aware of it I was then actually.
So aside from the fear of anxiety and panic, was I totally accepting that this tiny human that we made was going to have to get out of me some how? It's a totally natural process, that thousands of women do every day- I guess I was always realistic and pragmatic about that...
To be honest the fear I actually remember, wasn't birth itself; it was the reality of actually having a live and kicking baby INSIDE me. This other entity, like an alien in my womb, how would it feel as it got bigger, and I was full up with baby? Would it freak me the hell out? That fear was enough for me...
Before I became pregnant I thought- just like getting my rings stuck on my fingers, or being trapped in a small space- that I'd feel almost claustrophobic with this thing growing all by itself every day totally beyond my control... it's a flippin' abstract thought when you've never experienced it before, isn't it?!
Of course, I never felt any of that crap when I was actually pregnant, Ive never been happier, calmer and more healthy in my life than during both my pregnancies...yup, and I DO put it all down to hypnobirthing.
So I think I've got it. I wasn't scared of labour. I wasn't scared of the pain, (or I genuinely cannot recall the feeling if I was) the tearing- shit, I don't think I even knew that was possible!- I wasn't worried that bad things would happen to me or the baby... I think my main concern was MY REACTION to all of the above.
What if I freaked out? What if I had an almighty panic attack and wanted to just rip the baby out of me? What if I couldn't breath with the pure debilitating force of anxiety? How would Ollie have any chance in hell of calming me down? I've got it...my main fear was this:
Shit! What if I LOSE CONTROL??
I’m not a fan of hospitals, never have been. At the time I got pregnant, been having a load of tests done for various shitty problems (quite literally- shit problems!) and I was constantly left in limbo with no real answers, I wasn't black and white, I wasn't fitting snugly into the categories that they wanted me to sit in, I wasn't ticking the right boxes, I was always floating somewhere in that grey misty area...
I KNEW I didn't want that for the birth of my baby... I did NOT want to become a statistic, to be categorised or trawled along like a bump on a conveyor belt of ticked boxes and protocols.
I wanted to be free to be myself, to do things my way. I wanted to be EMPOWERED AND INFORMED enough to TAKE CONTROL and totally OWN IT.
I have ALWAYS hated being told what to do! And, at risk of sounding like a spoilt brat, I have kinda always got what I've wanted too! I have always been a bit "fuck that, I'm doing this MY way!" kinda girl.
Even down to the fact that for years and years I said I wanted my first baby when I was 32. The scan gave me a due date of 5th August 2012... 2 days after my 33rd birthday. I knew that was NOT going to be the case- I was going to have a baby when I was 32!
She arrived on 25th of July...When I was well and truly 32 years old! YESSS!
Yup, I'm a CONTROL FREAK. I've always been a control freak!
And I reckon you are too...go on, admit it, just a tiny bit?
Phew! I got there in the end.
And why couldn't I easily recall those feelings from before? Why was it such a massive struggle for me to get there and make the realisation?
Because of hypnotherapy. That's it. It's SO EFFING POWERFUL.
After you've experienced it, any unwanted, shitty feelings of fear, anxiety, concerns or worries will be gone. You'll listen to the MP3s over...and over...and OVER again...Believe me, they'll be gone. So much so, that you'll find it hard to remember how they actually felt...Sounds crazy huh?
And the amazing thing for you is- control freak- you'll be able to be just that. IN CONTROL...the whole time. I promise you.
So what made me actually book on to a Hypnobirthing course?
Well, I'd had some hypnotherapy when I was at uni and the results of one session were so astounding that I knew I had to revisit it. My impulsive personality just made me want to go for it, I didn't even do much research into who I was going to go with- I wish I had, but thats a subject for another blog entirely!
I wish hypnobirthing wasn't called hypnobirthing...not because of the 'Woo' connotations, I'm cool with that, I know thats a load of bullshit, but I wish the term was broader, as I can honestly say that hypnobirthing changed my life, and clients of mine have said the same to me...
This is seriously powerful stuff.
You'll not only learn how every single complex element of labour and your INCREDIBLE body works, you'll learn about hormones and emotions, how to breathe, move, RELAX and welcome those powerful sensations...
And this will not only impact YOU in a massive and awesome way, but watch in awe as your partner morphs, effortlessly into THE most awesome, loving, supportive and assertive goddam birth parter EVER!
You'll feel so EMPOWERED that, together, you can handle anything, birth, YES, absolutely, but everything in the lead up to birth, the birth itself, and the journey through motherhood too.
And I'm not promising you a 'perfect birth' that shiz doesn't exist I'm afraid. And I'm not promising you that being a Mumma (whether it be the first, second, or third time) will be an easy ride...you WILL be knackered, you WILL get stressed, there will be tears and times of feeling "SHIT. I just CAN'T do this"
But with the skills you'll learn on a Mellow Mumma hypnobirthing workshop these feelings will feel manageable, just like the niggling aches and pains of pregnancy, just like those powerful, intense contractions, just like the first days and weeks of motherhood...
So, if like me, you see yourself as a bit of a control freak, and you want to OWN your birth experience like the absolute ROCKSTAR that you are, you hate the thought of someone else calling the shots, of being told what to do, how to behave...then hop straight to my website now...read everything you need to know about a Mellow Mumma Birth prep & hypnobirthing workshop...
Then make the call, send the email...PM me...let's have a chat!
Do it NOW!
Take control, invest in yourself- AND your baby. Lead yourself into the birth YOU want, no matter what your preferences. Create a memory of birth that you will feel PROUD of.
Learn to ACCEPT the things that may be beyond your control (yes, I said ACCEPT) and feel INFORMED & EMPOWERED to make the right decisions for you and your baby.
Know that you ARE strong enough, you ARE good enough and you totally utterly CAN DO this!
If you need anymore convincing... check out my shop and treat yourself to an MP3 to tempt you...It'll only leave you wanting more!
Much love xx